moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
