jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
