i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize