Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
