If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
