I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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