So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
