that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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