I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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