if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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