I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
