Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
