Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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