remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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