we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
