So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
