The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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