Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
