She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
