there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
