It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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