He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
