When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
