goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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