Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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