I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After last night, I could never be a politician.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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