So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
