very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
