like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
