you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
