you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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