yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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