Just cropdusted the office
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
