Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize