ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
two words: eviction party
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
