therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
