I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
