...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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