I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
honey bunches of taint.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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