Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
