I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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