Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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