Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I will be naked everywhere
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
