i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
