have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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