I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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