I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Houston, we have a blender
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
