I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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