hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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