Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
