he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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