mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
