They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
