Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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