Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
