Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
