so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
