No awkward lesbian experiences without me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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