oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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