oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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