Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
