either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
