Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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