I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
