Please, let me fuck your mom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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