She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
