where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
