How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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