At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
