Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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