How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize