would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
