she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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