No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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