I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
