just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
