Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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