Got a toothbrush?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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