My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize