I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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