my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
