i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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