Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
