So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
