Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
