Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize