Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I supernannyed him into submission
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
