Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
