After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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