Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize