So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
